Last week I went to a yoga class - something I’ve wanted to do for years. On the Monday night I looked online and found a studio near work that held yoga sessions. I didn’t give it a second thought as I pre-booked and went along the following morning. I came out feeling stretched, achey (in a good way) and very zen. The pre-baby me would be jealous of post-baby me. Before I had Joey I always thought about going to an exercise class, but I was worried about making a fool of myself or that I wasn’t good enough, and each time I considered it, I talked myself out of it.
Oblivious as to how the little life in my tummy would change me...
It’s like the true me was inside, but I just didn’t have the confidence to actually bring that person out. Or rather my mind wouldn’t allow it.
A similar thing would happen when I went on a night out. I’d have to have a drink before I went, or get one as soon as I arrived, because I thought it made me a better person to be around. It helped dull my anxiety and the buzzing worry at the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I still love a vino or gin now, but I don’t feel I need one to be in a social situation.
Having a child has somehow made the real version of me stand up, Eminem style. Maybe the old slim shady really was just imitating?
He makes me laugh everyday.
I don’t fully understand why this change has happened. Several months ago it felt like I was under a black cloud, but then the cloud moved on and left me shining more than ever before. It’s like a barrier has been knocked down, or a haze has been lifted. There are still tough days of course, but that's only natural.
So why this change? It helps that I have a beautiful little buddy to hang out with, a boy that makes me smile and laugh every single day. But is it just that? Maybe it's him who's taught me to not care what other people think, much like his own innocent attitude?
I think what it comes down to is confidence. I was confident before - to a certain extent - but becoming a mother has given me a newfound confidence. Having a baby and raising him to be a loving, caring, excitable and cheery little chap gives me a huge sense of achievement. It's the biggest thing I've ever done and if I can do this, I feel I can do anything.