Nursery drop-off GUILT.

It's been an hour since I dropped Joey off at nursery and I still have that horrible churning in my stomach. Yes I'm on my second coffee of the morning, but it's definitely not that. It's the look on Joey's face as I left him at nursery, permanently etched into my memory.

Almost every time I drop Joey off at nursery he gives me the DON'T LEAVE ME cry, accompanied with a face of terror like I’ve just left him on a desert island alone while he watches me sail off into the distance.

It breaks my heart every time, even though I’ve been taking him to the childminder and nursery for nine months now. The guilt settles in immediately - the moment we arrive at nursery he clamps his legs around me.

If I dare put him down at the toddlers' breakfast table, he throws himself on the floor crying. Or looks up at me upset with outstretched arms, stamping his feet.

There is the odd joyous occasion where he will happily (i.e. he doesn't burst into tears) go to one of the nursery workers for a cuddle, allowing me to say a quick goodbye before I scuttle towards the door. But this morning, he was having none of it.

I tried putting him down to stand on the floor. Nope. I tried sitting him in a chair alongside his friends - who are all sitting nicely eating their Cheerios - Nope. I leant him forward to one of the nursery workers hoping he’d cling onto them instead. Nope. All this time I am thinking how the longer I stay, the worse this is going to get, and that I need to leave PRONTO.

With his face buried into me and his legs still gripping on, constricting my ribcage, I peeled my limpet-like son off me with the help of a worker. As he predictably threw a tantrum, I said goodbye with a big false cheery smile and made a quick exit.

And then there it was - as I shut the door behind me, I saw his little crying face with his big blue eyes screaming: WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME?!

Funny thing is, he loves nursery. When I collect him he's playing happily and the workers tell me how good he's been. I know it’s normal, but why does he have to make leaving him so terrible? Maybe it’s his way of reminding me to pick him up... • #nurseryguilt #dropoffguilt #mum#mumlife

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